so let's talk penis.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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