My pussy is not your playground.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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