If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
