Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
