i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Enjoy the penises
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
