Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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