The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
love makes seman taste better
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
