Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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