we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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