Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
