dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
