white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
