What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
