You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
