Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
