Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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