I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
