my mouth tastes like poor choices
you traded sex for a burrito?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
