And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
