If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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