you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
