Small penises have feelings too.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.