that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?