Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
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what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
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A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.