tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
