I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
