Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
