What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
