covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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