youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
