Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
