so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
