Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
