I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
