i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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