I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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