My sheets look like a crime scene.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
