if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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