that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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