Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
