For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
