Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sorry my hands just texted you
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
