i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
