Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
