What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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