why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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