4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
