her vagine was all disorganized.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
