I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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