Duck Duck Cougar?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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