I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
