eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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