everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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