I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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