She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
