Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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