i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
