Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
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