FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
