i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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