Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
How's work?
Spinning.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
