so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
