What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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