I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
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