Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
