90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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