I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize