youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
