When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
